Been a while since I’ve been awake thinking of stuff! The Christmas Tree Lights did it this time. Not a Trigger but more of an analogy I guess.
Getting them out in Dec all tangled up, hell to untangle. The different sequences pulsing of lights like your heart and thoughts constant pulsing.
Then the racing, chasing, unable to keep up, raving, raging, tangled. No way out. Round and round you go, trapped in a sequence with no control.
Then boom, full on, bright, too bright, glaring like a rabbit in the head lights, frozen. Exposed to everyone, bright for all to see, but they don’t see the fire inside raging to make them glow so bright.
Then the come down that slow fading, draining of light, draining of love, draining of hope. Still tangled but now lifeless... not calm but emotionless and numb... the batteries are running low. Slowly they die, slowly they fade into the distance. No one sees them.
2 years of untangling, going through the sequences. Seeing, feeling, living each and every one. The wire striped to it’s very core. No more sticky tape. Now Held, nurtured and soldered.
Finally I can put them away in the box untangled, neatly, neatly sorted, still there but now neat and amongst the rest of the decorations. Away for a while. They can come out next year, they are an intricate part of the process, they have to stay, but this time untangled and alas!!!! I’ve found the control box. I’m driving this time. I decide which sequence of light I want and when.
This time I see the lights for what they are not feel them. They shine bright, they twinkle gracefully. Embraced. Calm, reflecting and hopeful.